The Sibling Match

I can only imagine the stress that Camryn must feel right now. Displaced, taken away from everything she knows, her best friend and little brother critically ill, her parents emotionally and physically exhausted... life turned upside down. She and Nathan have a connection that I am just in awe of at times. They fight intensely but love each other even more. We worked very hard as parents to reinforce this connection and strengthen our family unit first and foremost, the downside is that our current turmoil may hurt much more deeply. Camryn has always been a sensitive child in every way. She feels every emotion and all the energy around her yet she is so young, too young to even know what it is that she's feeling and lacking the coping skills that she will need to go through her life being so completely tuned into the world around her. All this means that we have struggled, and she has had such a hard time finding her place among everything else that is going on. The first few days were a blur but she and Nate carried on mostly as normal. Then there were the weeks when Nathan was downright nasty to her no matter what, he even admitted that seeing Camryn was hard for him because he wanted to play but he couldn't and she was able to go home but he couldn't. Simply put, he was taking it out on her. Then there were the weeks when her behavior was just appalling, acting out, attention seeking, sass, and downright rudeness. All normal normal seven year old stuff, amplified during phases of coping, but incredibly hard to parent through when we are at the limit of our own patience and all but emotionally unavailable. And now we seem to have had a breakthrough and are in a more balanced phase, seeing their amazing connection clearly again, and able to more effectively weather the inevitable storms. But I am sure there are more difficult phases to come and lots of emotional healing for all of us once this is behind us.

I've mentioned before that Camryn is a perfect sibling bone marrow match. It's unusual for a sibling to be a match with only a 25% chance but somehow I knew she would be. A friend calls camryn a little healer, for Nathan that may be literally true. When we found out that she was a match, I felt like it was only a matter of time before a bone marrow transplant would become a reality. Maybe I'm wrong but it just felt right that she would be the one to inevitably heal her brother. We have discussed this with them very openly, first talking about their "blood factory" and what is going on with Nathan. Then discussing how they had the same blood factory and how amazing and rare that is, reinforcing their connection with one another. And over time talking about the realities of a bone marrow transplant with them both in an age appropriate way. She seems strangely unfazed by the idea and we talk about what a gift it is that she can be the one to heal her brother which really resonates with her and I think speaks to her need to find a place and a role among this chaos. She is only terrified of the blood draw, and seems to share her father's irrational needle fear. She started seeing a psychologist who works through the bone marrow transplant clinic both to just talk about what she's going through and also to work through some of these fears. The other day she and Jenny (the psychologist) created a visual "toolbox" of things she can do when she's feeling scared or anxious and they also did some role playing with a doll that was sick and needed a blood draw. Such simple exercises but so effective for a child like Camryn and I am thankful that she has someone to turn to who is a neutral ear and able to help her navigate all of her emotions. She also went with us when we had our blood drawn so she could see one in action and know what to expect. The upside of all the time that we have spent waiting is that we have had the ability to work through all of the emotions that she is dealing with and hopefully bring this process about in a way that is healthy and positive and healing for everyone... sometimes things happen just the way and in the time that they are supposed to. I am pretty sure that she may still flip out when the time comes for her to have a blood draw but all of these exercises will hopefully help to give her the skills and courage to get through it. But the donor process is a big deal. Her own unconditional willingness aside, she will have to be physically cleared and also work with a donor advocate to be certain that she can emotionally handle the process and any possible complications that may occur (e.g. what if Nathan has a bad reaction or even dies in the process, etc...). I am very curious to see what the future will hold and I know that this transplant may very well not happen or could even happen years into the future. But the reality is that in less than two weeks we may be traveling this road and all of us need to be ready for the challenge. In the meantime, I am simply enjoying seeing their love and compassion for one another blossom once again. It's a beautiful thing.