The Transplant Journey Begins

Today was Nathan's first day of chemotherapy. In a previous post, I described his planned conditioning and bone marrow transplants regimen in detail. I refer to it as clearing out the cobwebs of his nearly empty bone marrow to make room for his sister's stem cells to move in. In truth, it is poison. As someone who avoids toxins and generally likes to live a clean life, it is humbling and sobering and sometimes even terrifying. Yesterday he became sick due to an unusual reaction to a blood pressure patch that we started a few hours earlier. I joked that I was getting an early taste of chemo side effects and it seems that this joke was pretty close to reality. Today he seems to be overloaded and, while we didn't expect him to really start feeling really sick for nearly a week, it appears as though his body is feeling some minor effects of the chemotherapy already on day 1. Now we haven't experienced any scary side effects but it is clear that he is very fatigued and definitely not feeling well. I am hoping that this is the extent of it and that he will simply "sleep it off" but it is tough to see my formerly active and exuberant little boy feeling so sleepy and lethargic. I am not sure what to expect for the next three days of conditioning (much less the days beyond his transplant) but I am at least glad that we haven't seen any of the early anaphylactic or otherwise truly life-threatening effects. There are always blessing to be had in every moment, even the really tough moments when you are slapped with some harsh realities. Nathan is sick, very very sick, and the treatment is no walk in the park either. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. September 22nd is his transplant date and then we can begin his journey towards healing. We are as ready as we can be and hoping to just hold on and keep on swimming. We may be tearing him down now but there is always time to build him back up again after this is all over. And that's what I keep reminding myself of. As with everything, "this too shall pass" and I just need to breathe and envision brighter days ahead.