Three months since our world was rocked to its core, since we found out that Nathan was so very sick, since our hearts were broken then immediately expanded exponentially... I guess sometimes things need to break to make room for real growth. Instantly we possessed love and strength that we never thought humanly possible; love and strength that we would find ourselves clinging to in order to sustain this ordeal.
Three months of waiting and trying to figure out exactly what was truly going on and how to best treat him. Stress, anxiety, a variety of possible diagnoses and finally the official diagnosis presented itself. Thrilled that we have something to treat but terrified that the treatment can be as challenging as the disease.
Three months and we have a whole new vocabulary of terms that would have previously meant nothing to us but now these simple words can make or break our days.
Three months and we are longing to be back home again but knowing that our "home" will never be quite the same, there is no going back to the way things once were. Yet still, we are together, that is what matters most. And we have an extended group of friends and family who has lifted us up and taken such great care of our basic needs; of nurses who have become like family for their love of our sweet little boy, and doctors who have worked tirelessly to make sure that they select the right treatment for him. Home means something very different to us now. Home is where our family is and where love resides so this must be our home for now.
Three months that nearly feel like a lifetime, and I guess it should feel that way, for we are all completely transformed by this experience.
Three months of hope and counting our many many blessings because, despite everything, there is still so very much to be thankful for. But we are also exhausted to the core yet knowing that some of our toughest days are still to come. No five year old should have to fight for his life and endure the many difficult procedures and medications that offer his only really hope of recovery. No seven year old should be asked to step up and save her brother's life. No parents should have to watch a child slowly lose his strength and drift away... a child that was just recently healthy and strong and vibrant. But we must be on this path for some reason and maybe, once we have the luxury of hindsight, that reason will be abundantly clear to us. In the meantime, we have been here for three months... and counting.
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